Salary Shaming: Spend $15,000 on a Carbon Bike or a House Down Payment?
Between Mortgage Stress and OCLV Carbon
I recently stood face-to-face with the new "idol" of urban excess that makes absolutely zero fcking sense: the Trek Project One. We are talking about a two-wheeled machine with a price tag that will make your HR manager have a mental breakdown and drop dad on the spot. We’re looking at figures north of $15,000—a nominal value equivalent to roughly 40 months of the average minimum wage if you choose not to eat, drink, or exist in this dimension.
Standing in front of this bike makes you wonder: "What kind of bstard is crazy enough to trade a suburban house down payment for a pile of carbon?" But in this sck world, function always loses a landslide victory to prestige. For some, a house is just a concrete box to sleep in, but a Trek is a first-class ticket to the highest caste of the open road—a way to flaunt wealth in the most barbaric way possible.
Decoding the Trilogy: Madone, Emonda, Domane
Trek isn’t just selling one type of "wet dream" for cyclists. They have a trilogy designed to suit your specific brand of insanity. If you’re a speed freak who wants to slice through the wind like a bullet, there’s the Madone—the "Ultimate Race Bike" that looks more like a stealth fighter than a bicycle. If you’re a masochist who loves climbing and hates body weight (including the bike's), the Emonda is the answer; it’s so d*mn light it feels like a sin just to pick it up. Then there’s the Domane, for those who realize our roads are as broken as our future prospects, hence the need for shock absorbers (IsoSpeed) so your a** doesn't go numb.
The problem is, even the "cheaper" versions of these series will leave your savings d*ad in a ditch. But Trek has a "final boss" that’s even more insane: Project One.
Project One: When "Cool" Just Isn't Enough
If the standard series is like buying a mass-produced suit at the mall, Project One is the most b*stardized form of bespoke tailoring from mad scientists in Wisconsin, USA. It’s not just about picking high-end components like SRAM Red AXS or Shimano Dura-Ace—parts that shift gears smoother than the sweet lies of a politician during campaign season.
It’s about the visuals. You can choose Signature Series paint jobs with crystal effects or the Icon series that blinds onlookers with pure envy the moment the sun hits it. Everything is hand-painted. At this level, you aren’t buying sports equipment; you’re buying an ego wrapped in military-grade OCLV Carbon. You’re buying the right to be frontally arrogant in the faces of people whose motorcycle installments aren't even paid off yet.
The Death of the "Value" Philosophy
The question "Should I buy a house or a bike?" is a question only asked by people whose bank balances still make them cry at the end of the month. For Trek’s target market, the answer is: "Why not both, b*ngsat?" I see this phenomenon as a way for humans to escape worldly stress using an object that costs as much as a luxury car.
At the end of the day, this $15,000 bike will probably still hit a shtty pothole on a broken road. But at least you’ll look like a god while out-climbing a bunch of mskin peasants who can only stare in awe. Brutal? Absolutely. But that’s the reality of capitalism on two wheels.
